Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Demi Lovato
American singer and actor.
Born August 20th, 1992 in Albuquerque.
Going-2-Die™ September 18th, 2025 at 33 years old
Lorenzo Buffon
Italian footballer.
Born December 19th, 1929 in Majano.
Going-2-Die™ September 17th, 2025 at 95 years old
Taiye Selasi
English writer.
Born November 2nd, 1979 in London.
Going-2-Die™ September 18th, 2025 at 45 years old
Efraín Amézcua
Mexican footballer.
Born August 3rd, 1907 in León de Los Aldama.
Going-2-Die™ September 20th, 2025 at 118 years old
Carlos Rojas
Chilean footballer.
Born October 2nd, 1928 in Chile.
Going-2-Die™ September 21st, 2025 at 96 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1758070150
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NTgwNzAxNTAsImlkcyI6WzQzNzc1Niw0Mzk1MjcsNDEzNDUy%0ALDE0Njc1NiwxNTQ2MDNdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. Mark Twain