Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Marla Maples
American actress and tv personality (born 1963).
Born October 27th, 1963 in Cohutta.
Going-2-Die™ May 5th, 2026 at 62 years old
Leontyne Price
African-american soprano.
Born February 10th, 1927 in Laurel.
Going-2-Die™ May 2nd, 2026 at 99 years old
Mikaela Hoover
American actress.
Born July 12th, 1984 in Spokane.
Going-2-Die™ May 4th, 2026 at 41 years old
Griselda Gambaro
Argentine writer (born 1928).
Born July 24th, 1928 in Buenos Aires. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ May 3rd, 2026 at 97 years old
Víctor Brown
Bolivian footballer.
Born March 7th, 1927 in Bolivia.
Going-2-Die™ May 1st, 2026 at 99 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1777600321
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3Nzc2MDAzMjEsImlkcyI6WzQzNTQ0NSw0Mzc0MTMsNjU3OTAs%0AMTUwMzk0LDk0NzUyXX0%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Since we’re all going to die, it’s obvious that when and how don’t matter. Albert Camus