Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Jackie Chan
Hong kong actor, singer and martial artist.
Born April 7th, 1954 in Victoria Peak.
Going-2-Die™ March 5th, 2026 at 71 years old
Herbert Blomstedt
Swedish conductor.
Born July 11th, 1927 in Springfield.
Going-2-Die™ March 7th, 2026 at 98 years old
Valerie Dore
Italian singer.
Born September 15th, 1964 in Milan.
Going-2-Die™ March 7th, 2026 at 61 years old
Petru Pascari
Moldovan politician.
Born September 22nd, 1929 in Stroiești (Transnistria).
Going-2-Die™ March 4th, 2026 at 96 years old
Mario Sosa
Cuban footballer.
Born January 1st, 1910 in Havana.
Going-2-Die™ March 6th, 2026 at 116 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1772495133
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NzI0OTUxMzMsImlkcyI6WzQzOTEyMiw0MzYwMjgsNDE1OTU3%0ALDUwNDExOSwxMDQxNjFdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Die happily and look forward to taking up a new and better form. Like the sun, only when you set in the west can you rise in the east. Rumi