Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Amber Heard
American actress and model.
Born April 22nd, 1986 in Austin.
Going-2-Die™ March 13th, 2026 at 39 years old
Ellie Cornell
American actress.
Born December 15th, 1963 in Glen Cove.
Going-2-Die™ March 10th, 2026 at 62 years old
Hugues Aufray
French recording artist; singer.
Born August 18th, 1929 in Neuilly-sur-Seine.
Going-2-Die™ March 9th, 2026 at 96 years old
Emmanuel Wamala
Ugandan catholic bishop | once archbishop of kampala.
Born December 15th, 1926 in Masaka District.
Going-2-Die™ March 9th, 2026 at 99 years old
Adolf Müller
Olympic wrestler.
Born April 11th, 1914 in Switzerland.
Going-2-Die™ March 10th, 2026 at 111 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1722079297
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3MjIwNzkyOTcsImlkcyI6WzQyMDgwMSw0Mzg5OTIsNDM1MTgy%0ALDEyMjY1MSwxNDM2ODFdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
The meaning of life is that it stops. Franz Kafka